(170812) Yesterday spent at work correcting product listings on the website. Some 40 entries, three of which were corrupted, yielding nonsense on the front end, and blank data entry forms on the back end. This followed several months now of correcting links to the newest version manuals, doing a poor job because of conflicting source material. The company hardly has any real web presence any more, as measured by Google's keyword page return. Two years ago, they were number one on page one for over 100 products. Now, nothing.
(170805) Somewhat better mental functioning, but my performance at work is a problem. Part of it is due to management. When the company switched to CMS from the highly effective HTML/JS site that I had been running and upgrading year after year since 1998, they failed to provide me with the barest essential information as to how the new system worked, leaving me blundering about for months. Instead, they kept introducing new people to our marketing crew, always making a point about how these new employees somehow knew the CMS coming in, so why didn't I?
I am very dubious about that whole implied claim. On the one hand, the guy in charge of coming up with the whole idea of going with CMS explicitly stated that he had developed it secretly from me - quite deliberately. This is the 2nd time for that. In 2,000 he had one of his buddies redo the original site that I created in 1998 without telling me, and it took two years to correct all the problems that that guy had introduced.
And those people kept leaving once they understood how things really worked, without making any effort to clarify how the new system worked to the one person who was left sticking around and trying to pick up the pieces.
However, not all of the problem is inside the bounds of that picture. There is also the fact that I am damaged. I keep hoping that I will one day suddenly make a breakthrough and be able to mentally hold all the critical data of the vast project of rewriting many hundreds of web pages - at least for ONE page, but instead it's like working with a stack of three, while the data is six or eight. Frankly, my mental capabilities have been going downhill for some time, but only little by little, ballanced by lots of experience and many mental strategies. And since I started the Parkinson's meds, things began to get better. Now it's like losing a year. Back to zero.
Meanwhile, the case brought by the DA against my attacker seems to be mysteriously on hold. This may be normal, but it is worrisome. I attended one court session on July 25th that took basically all morning due to scheduling and transportation problems. Then it was continued after the accused said that he wanted to take back his plea. It was discontinued again the next Tuesday, and then again to Friday. No word on that outcome yet.
(170702) Mental fog. Last night - bad headache. Cannot seem to focus my thoughts. Last week: bulked-up tatooed hispanic guy gives me significant look at gym... I think that he is the same guy who days later (see 170610) who seemed to be trying to evoke some response from me at the library. Overweight, muscular '40's. I don't think that I've ever seen him at the gym or library prior to these two instances. He went on line in the same computer station as my previous attacker, I believe, and then started the same routine - typing, then knocking on the table. Staring meaningfully at me in a kind of sneer. This sort of thing has happened several times now.
In a similar recent case, two young Hispanic women took a computer station right next to me, even though there were plenty of stations available where they would have been more isolated. Then they began talking to each other in Spanish, very fast and continuously, but softly. After several minutes, I began to wonder what was really going on, as they didn't seem to want to even use the computer. As a test, I started to say something like "Excuse me..." and instantly, like Jack-In-The-Boxes, they jumped to their feet and rushed away. My thought was that this had to be some kind of test. But what?
(170626) Eyes somewhat better. Sent email to DA victim witness.
(170610) Still the eye problems. My right hand is also in pain, only noticeable if I try to do something with it. Several days ago, at the gym, some huge Hispanic guy stood staring at me - we were the only patrons in either of our ranges of vision - from about ten feet away, with his hands on his hips. I don't recall seeing him before. He stood there, silently, for a minute or so, glaring at me. That posture is automatically seen as a threat and an invitation to fight in the Hispanic community. I have no idea what that was about. I certainly have never seen him before.
In general, my overall physical health has deteriorated substantially over the time from the assault to today. I am lucky to be alive.
My understanding from the detective in charge of the case is that they have the guy in custody on felony assault charges and he is awaiting his hearing shortly. This guy is why prisons are built. I'm generally in favor of restitution, but someone who will engage in this kind of violence, simply because someone is critical of their behavior, is an ongoing threat to everyone.
(170606) Not much change. As I get stressed at work or fatigued my left eye wants to pull off to the side and/or flutter, making my work at maintaining a corporate website less than pleasant...
(170513) UPDATE About two weeks now. The swelling and inflammation have almost disappeared. Several other sites of pain have emerged in the meanwhile, areas that pretty much required kicking me while I was unconscious on the floor. The damage to my right eye appears to likely involve that "zygomatic" bone that makes up most of the cheekbone, where there is a small, hard lump, still tender to the touch. More serious perhaps are the problems in focusing and the ongoing flutter of my left eye.
Belatedly, about Wednesday I recalled that I had Hydergine (Ergoloid mesylates) in stock from when I was trying it for its original use in treating or preventing senility. I stopped completely as it appeared as one of several possible triggerings of the colitis that started hitting about a year ago. So, I dug up the Hydergine, as it is also used as a mainstay for treating ischemia in strokes around the world, so it would be logical to think that it might work for the symptoms I was getting. Then I realized that I had left over a weak steroid from early treatment of colitis, and added one tablet per day of the steroid to the hydergine. The combo stopped or relieved most of the problems cold.
(170506) UPDATE Yesterday my almost new backpack was stolen, along with its contents, as in several tools, a really nice flashlight, and my gym Master lock, etc. Painful, but not critically important. May or may not be related to the assault on me last Saturday.
(170507) Eight days since being punched unconscious and the swelling has mostly disappeared; However, I'm starting to get neurological symptoms, such as repeated twitching of my left eye and a feeling of being out of balance - slightly dizzy, degeneration of typing skills, difficulty in focusing my thoughts all week...
(Here's where this blog was originally aimed:
I was thinking about the casual, everyday evil that we face, wondering how it so often prevails.
Not sure how much time I can realistically devote to this just now, but my inclination is to strike when my muse tells me. Or is it my "mouse??" With all the Alzheimer's and other brands of dementia out there, there must be a brand who believes that their computer mouse is literally telling them what to do. What if it were true? Does your mouse seem to get closer to the monitor over night when you're sleeping? There are haptic mice as well.
As an Aspy, I am very familiar with the typical experience of being blamed for everything. When I was a kid, mere suspicion was always enough to convict me of anything. E.g., one of my fellow elementary scholars - Randy - lost his wallet somewhere behind the basket gym bleachers. Several of us had been playing lurk and chase games back there in the dark. I was signaled out as the likely culprit for no more reason than that I was there. Oh, and the other factor in convicting me was paradoxically that I was known to be "smart."
As I was growing up in Rome, GA, the prevailing rather minimal attempts at philosophy included a high level of blatant anti-intellectualism, which often took the form of telling me or other nerds that we should always remember that God provides justice, and so, those of us with physical or mental endowments would probably be unhappy - as God's compensation, ("Have yall evah seen a smart person who was really happy?") and especially should not try to defeat God and his ongoing tally of balance. Think Forrest Gump. Oh, to be stupid and innocent
This goes far in explaining the ubiquitous fatalism of the deep South. Ambition as well as clear, conclusive argumentation leading to objectively sound conclusions are dismissed as hubris. Conflicts that would clearly resolve to the favor of one party over another are instead forced into an awkward "compromise." I heard this explicitly stated on many occasions.
Any hint of attempting to have a real conversation with these people was met with studied disdain. "but doncheh know, don't yall know that yall's smarty attitude goin to leave you unhappy, comes the end."
Is it any wonder that so many of the Boomers, having been indoctrinated with the idea that intellectualism was somehow perverse, felt the need for perversion? Like telling a child that sex is "dirty." And aren't we surprised when they reverse the equation, and both men and women suffer unhappy sex - or none? Those limbic resonances can lurk for decades - altho they are treatable.
If I had been the creative type, then I could have thought of several ways to deal with these situations. Imagine that you're an Aspy kid. You're accused of theft and there is no defense, since no one believes you. So, take charge! You go out on a tangent with a Peter Lorre impression - "YA GOT ME, COPPER..." Etc. If it doesn't work, then you are still free to rationalize it as a work in progress, much like many blogs. ) ;>
So, this past Saturday - fifty years later - is a lesson on just how bad things can get. About 20 minutes into my computer session at the Orange Library a young body-building, shaved-head type Hispanic-appearing man took the computer next to mine. He soon was into a routine - type a sentence or two; POUND the table with his hands, type/POUND, type/POUND....
After about ten minutes of this, I called him out, requesting that he please stop pounding on the table, which was 18' on a side, with several other patrons "enjoying" this drumming in the middle of doing their work or play. He chose to respond to me by telling me that perhaps I should just leave the library. I told him that I preferred going to management. Unfortunately, that afternoon, management in the 2nd floor computer space consisted of a single, small middle-aged woman with a bad attitude. She accompanied me back to my station, where the man claimed that he had no idea what I was talking about.
The librarian announced in an angry voice that since "you two gentlemen" could not get along, then you can just leave the library. Things went down hill as the man suggested how much he would enjoy smashing my face. Meanwhile the librarian announced that she was shutting BOTH our computers down. The man had a few more words, mainly consisting of his expression of a desire to smash my face and an invitation to meet downstairs. The last thing I remember is him saying "Are you happy now?" I think I answered "Yes." My one act of resistance. As in, your threats will not deprive me of my happiness.
I think that I turned to pick up my pack and motorcycle helmet at that point, but all I have is a vague memory of being SLAMMED in the head and then coming to on the floor up against the wall, with no intervening memory. I mean, like, just how is it that you would remember unconsciousness? I immediately jumped up and could see the man running toward the stairs. I started yelling, "CALL 911! EVERBODY! NOW! At that point several other people joined in the chase.
When I got down to the street level and onto the sidewalk, I could see what looked like the man running NorthWest towards the traffic circle, now about a block away. I could also see at least a couple of people apparently chasing him, but I had lost my glasses, so everything was a blur. However, one of the others who had taken up the chase told me not to worry as he was an off-duty cop.
Another of the patrons had a considerable conversation with the PD, and, later, told me that he had actually ran the guy down and tried to get photos of him via his phone. Then the guy allegedly punched him twice in the face. He reports also observing a woman taking pics or video of the guy while driving past.
Now is when things start to get complicated. One officer informed me, after the medics left, that if I had gone with them then that would have probably qualified as serious injury and automatically a felony. But since I declined treatment, then the charges would be misdemeanors, unless something unless applied. As I was being interviewed, the issue of whether or not I had lost consciousness arose.
At first, I said that I had no memory other than being punched and then coming to on the floor against a pillar about ten feet away. Then I finally realized "of course" that if I was unconscious then I would not recall it. I think that my concussion was taking its toll right then. Fortunately the officer took note that I had other minor injuries, as in a couple of bleeding bruises to my knees and elbow, some abdominal pain, weakness and pain in my right ankle. Several days later, my minor neck twinges suddenly got worse. and my right hand has something going on that is making typing difficult. Also, both my knees are now in significant internal pain. All indications are that the man punched me or kicked several times after the first blow. It's hard to imagine how those damages to my lower legs got there without assuming that he was kicking me as I lay unconscious.
Meanwhile, my face was all bloody with damage to my right eye and cheekbone. The library personnel had called the paramedics as well as the Orange Police, even though I insisted that I did not need the paramedics. My guess is that the PD got inundated on the 911 line for a few minutes. I think that the paramedics arrived first en masse, with full trauma gear, and were about to package me for a trip to the ER. I declined and finally they gave up. Then the police arrived and for the next hour or so interviewed a sizeable number of the patrons, as well as me.
Both the paramedics and the PD were pressuring me to go to the ER - but that involves some substantial co-pay as well as various charges of convenience.* Plus, it is a mind-bogglingly horrible experience of dubious value. I've had that experience three times now, and that's three too many. Plus, the local hospitals are hotbeds for antibiotic-resistant superbugs and both of the hospitals I have visited over the past couple decades were invariably LOUD and dirty.
*The typical hospital will put off admitting one as a patient, with a room, and instead put you on "observation," which is not covered in their contract with insurance or medicare and can run several hundred dollars per day.
And, while the police et al were overwhelmingly organized, competent, polite and nice, the only person who actively tried to help was a young Asian student, who gave me the ice pack from her lunch basket as I sat bleeding. I wish I had gotten her name and a way to reimburse her. The cold seemed to help. But then she was gone.
So, bottom line is that the perp is on the loose and he may have friends - perhaps in high places - supporting him.
However, the Orange Police informed me that they are filing felony charges against the man - Case # 17CF1165. I don't think that they have a case date.
I went to Urgent Care at 4th St. and Tustin in Tustin, driving my motorcycle, where I was advised verbally and in writing to immediately go to the ER. I was told that Urgent Care had nothing to offer. I asked the examining doctor, who didn't check anything else beyond my right eye, what the consequences of not going might be.
"You could die..."
So, keeping in mind my truly awful experience at that very ER in early 2016, when I went in with severe colitis and dehydration, clearly in a life-threatening state, and then after no treatment for several hours was discharged... I chose to go to the gym and clean up, which was my original agenda for that day.
In spite of the blood all over my face, the swelling, the multiple bruises, no one at the gym made any comment.
When I returned to the library a couple days later, I was apprehensive to say the least, and the first thing I noticed was the extremely tall, elderly gent, decked out in some kind of resplendent uniform, standing and smiling at me. I introduced myself as the person who had been assaulted on Saturday, and he said that he knew that.
He affirmed as well that everyone seems to know this guy who attacked me, and that he was on some kind of "program," with a history of going for stretches without a complaint, and then going crazy. Knowing that does not make me feel much better.*
When I went upstairs to the computer area, things took a turn for the weird. I entered a room that is normally abuzz with quiet conversation - and sometimes LOUD incidences which library personnel generally take care of. The computer area was nearly full - unusual on a weekday. And there was dead silence as every eye was locked on me, which is strange indeed, as I know hardly any of the other patrons. I use the Orange Library for their quality, their hours and due to a major breakdown at the Main Tustin Library. I logged in without incident, but after a few minutes some guy on the other side of the table divide started with the table pounding again. Maybe a friend of the perp? He did it for a minute or two and then followed up by loudly punching something - "POW..POW..POW..POW!."
Next, a couple of young boys positioned themselves directly opposite me and entered into a quiet conversation as they did their computer business. I've never seen that kind of behavior by young kids in that area of the library. I've seen plenty of LOUD children, but downstairs and usually the librarians deal with that, eventually... I don't recall ever seeing very young kids using the computers in the upstairs adult computer area, for that matter.
*If you check out my blog On Morals II you will find some related material on what good and evil actually are.
Or, try this link: https://www.meetup.com/OCHumanists/messages/boards/thread/19581422
... oopsss - out of time again. More to come...
Meanwhile, if you were one of the people shooting video, please make a copy for the PD - or me, as well. It was really breathtaking to see ordinary people take on real, serious violence that the Urgent Care doctor told me could have killed me. Perhaps people are fed up with cowardice and failure to take responsibility. A small sample, for sure, but one that could go viral.
And my personal thanks to all the people who took responsibility, taking photos, chasing after a clearly dangerous man at their own risk.
As to being a target as an Aspy, even now, nearing 70, I find that on a daily basis I am the object of suspicion at home and where I work. No doubt part of this is simply that for me and most Aspies, our limbic resonance is off key. People feel stressed around us.
BTW, the reply to comments function is not (has not been) working for me for about a year, I think...
"When you tell bad people you don't fight they don't care. "
043017: Agrees with my impression. See my blog above on being punched out at the Orange Library yesterday (last Saturday). You should see the photos of my face, as well, when (if) they become available. Not that I looked that great to begin with...